I’ve grown up in the little town in Latvia, where most people stay all their lives.
They get born, go to same school as their parents, they meet their partner (most likely in that school), they get married and have kids… their kids go to the same school… meet their partner and …you get the idea.
However, I always knew, that I was different to everyone else in my school. In my town. In my country.
I had handful of friends who have been very supportive of me, throughout the years, and I am forever grateful to them for that.
When I was growing up, I was bullied for my sexual self -expression. For wearing sexy clothes, for having bigger boobs than other girls, for being centre of attention of the guys.
Being centre of attention of the guys, came with the price. They never took me seriously. They wanted to own me and not allow me to do something. They wanted to have s.ex with me and leave.
I was lead to believe, that love is worry, that love is possession, that love is ownership.
I was lead to believe that my value as a woman was determined whether I have a husband or not.
Even though it didn’t feel right, I got married when I just turned 20.
My marriage lasted 3 months.
It was most violent time of my life. Domestic violence and abuse. Physical and Emotional.
Just like my parents.
Everything I was running away from suddenly became closer to me than ever.
I struggled to escape. But I did.
I repeated this kind of relationships over and over again.
On top of everything, I have gained over 10kg in weight and I got severely depressed!
I couldn’t leave home. I slept most of the day and when I would wake up- I was numbing myself with food and TV, until one day my mom complained to me about my dad. I said to her: -“If you don’t like it, just leave! No one is holding you there against your will!”
In that moment, I have realised, I had exactly the same complains about my partner at the time and it was the time I took my own advice and move out.
It was the hardest time of my life and also the most numb time of my life.
I literally did not feel.
My body was numb. My soul was numb. I was going through the motion.
I took my own advice and I left. I had no inner confidence, as relationship with that man have diminished all of my brightness and spark for life.
I was near enough a cave woman, always hyper vigilant. Watching out, where the next attack will be coming from. Not trusting men.
My confidence was so low, that I was questioning every compliment, that came my way.
Can this get any worse?!
I could not relax near men, always expecting disappointment and the let-down.
My beliefs about men was:
Men want to hurt me!
Men only want me for s.ex!
There are no good men out there.
I can’t trust men.
Guess what I was attracting into my life? – Of course, exactly those men!
Somewhere along the way, my father passed away, it was sad moment, only if I could feel it. AND I COULD NOT FEEL IT.
I COULD NOT FEEL THE PAIN OF MY FATHER PASSING..!
I knew something is not right with me. I knew I could not feel.. until I could!
Finally the sorrow of his passing got to my heart- a month later. And it broke me down.
I have never felt this intense pain in my entire life. The sorrow has cracked my heart wide open.
I had no choice but feel. Even wine could not numb this pain anymore. I felt million knife’s stubbing my heart wide open. Memories from the childhood coming to the surface. Overwhelming hysteria taking over me, where I was helpless. Waling my screams like I did in the childhood, been traumatised by attacks at home.
I could not eat.. or sleep unless I drank myself to sleep, to wake up to excruciating pain in my body and my soul….
I didn’t know how to stop that. I was embarrassed and ashamed for not being able to compose myself. Involuntary feeling was beyond me, it was bigger than me. I had no choice in that.. I had to feel, something that I was not used to.
Little that I knew, that this was the beginning of my healing.
Feeling the intensity of that pain, those sharp knife’s in my heart, was the gateway to my healing and the path to love.
I had to surrender. Involuntarily.
I had to take one step at the time. I had to allow myself to be weak and vulnerable.
I had find approval in being soft and gentle. I had to completely re- discover myself and all of my internal programs.
I had to make changes in my belief system.
I HAD TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE CHOICES.
Something I have never done before. It was confronting. I had to face my ugly and quit “looking good” pretentious play.
Stepping onto my power has been very triggering for me, yet- the most rewarding thing I have ever done!
Since I took responsibility for my choices, I no longer believe that men want to hurt me, in fact all the men in my life cherish and treasure me, as their QUEEN.
All men in my life want to serve me. Serve me my desires and life experiences.
It encourages me to be unapologetic about my desires and be fully in my Queen. It requires me to be the best version of me, every day.
It requires me to be completely open hearted and grateful for every little thing I have created in my life.
Ang guess what? I still fuck up! It just doesn’t feel like fuck up anymore! Now, it’s the undeniable part of life I get to choose to be fully human.
And the more am in approval of my fuck ups, the more I allow myself to desire, the more grateful I am, the more of goodness is coming my way! It’s a circle of life that gives me all the greatness that I experience every day of my life these days!
Now, I am travelling around the world, teaching what I have learned on my healing journey, supporting people, who desire to create more Love, More Pleasure and More Intimacy in their life… and witnessing my clients blossoming, creating more confidence and creating HUGE impact in their life!
If I can create long lasting change in my life, coming from the small town in Latvia, where my life on paper was doomed- YOU CAN DO IT TOO!
Would you like to know what is possible for you?
I have co-created most Orgasmic Company- The Orgasmic Queen.
We teach women how to reconnect with their Sexual Power and Learn how to surrender and experience More Pleasure, because Pleasure is Every Women’s Birth right!
***If you would love to explore what is possible for you when you connect with your Pleasure, join our FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/399175474276121/
***IG: euginaoliberty | Visit our website here: www.theorgasmicqueen.com | Or to book a free call to explore your desires, click here: https://calendly.com/eugina-o/discovery-call
