What many people do not realize is the importance of the aftercare and post-sexual experience.
People usually put all the glory and the spotlight on the main event, forgetting that caring for your lover after is as equally important, if not more.
Post-sex care and connection are so important as they can trigger so many traumas in men and women.
As I am a woman, I will be talking from a woman’s view, however, I know many of my male clients have been experiencing these feelings too.
You see, when having a sexual experience with someone, I open more than my legs to that person (even if we are physically not together, YES! I am talking about energy sex, where you physically do not have to be together with the person).
I open my heart and my soul to my lover.
I open my energy to welcome my lover into my field.
Especially if the experience is very vulnerable (in cases, where it’s more than vanilla i.e Tantra, BDSM, and other dynamics), connection that occurs is super powerful between lovers or people involved in the scene (my BDSM peeps will know what I mean).
Lack of post-sexual care can lead to resentment of your lover and in some cases even to trauma.
YES! SEXUAL TRAUMA.
You do not have to be a rapist to cause trauma.
Sometimes you just don’t know.
Sometimes we don’t say anything, trying to be strong and independent…
But this is what you need to know:
Sometimes, lack of aftercare and checking in can cause the trauma.
You see, when I am going through a vulnerable experience with my lover, I expect/ desire to be held in that space. And the same importance of being held after also applies.
For my Orgasm to come out, I have to feel safe and trust. This enables me to relax, and my relaxation means I can have pleasure- which means your pleasure is amplified (You’re welcome!)
In often cases, lack of connection after the sexual experiences triggers abandonment issues, triggers all kinds of issues, like not feeling safe, trust, daddy issues, and being used is another big one.
When we do not talk about the experience that took place, we are overflowing with emotions inside, and those emotions need an outlet, otherwise, they start creating ill feelings.
We need to vent.
We need to process.
We need to share what was amazing, not so amazing… what you would like to have more of next time..?
When we don’t express our emotions, they turn into resentment and offense towards lovers and all mankind ( as I said, I am writing from a woman’s point of view).
As sexual energy is the strongest energy there is, our feelings and emotions are very strong in relation to sexual experiences, desires, needs, and wants.
Those emotions create very strong responses in our bodies, as body- mind -spirit are all connected.
You can create serious diseases in your body, by holding on to those feelings.
Some examples of the diseases you can create, by holding on to resentments are:
Stomach issues
Diarrhea
UTI
Inflammation in your organs (stomach, womb or colon)
Womb cysts
Bacterial Disbalance
Chest pains
Cough
I am sure there are more, but these are just some that come to mind immediately.
I have worked with a countless amount of women who have developed either of those diseases by holding on to the resentment towards their lover/partner.
I also have experienced the impact of holding on to the resentment in my body.
I had to learn how to cure my body in a holistic way as I am not a fan of going to the doctor or taking medication.
As I was working with people, I have come to some severe cases of impact of the resentment and what does it do to the body.
In the past I have made so many mistakes in communication with my lovers: not mentioning my need for the aftercare to my lover, sometimes because I didn’t know that it’s a thing, in other cases I didn’t know how, in some cases, I was not even aware that I needed the aftercare.
This work never stops. It’s an ongoing process.
I learn every day. About me, about you… about pleasure, love and relationship.
This is why I am so passionate about teaching this to others, as I desire more people have great and empowering experiences in life.
After all we all desire to love and to be loved.
We were wired for intimacy!
When you do take your time to check in with your lover, this is a space for you to create deeper connection with each other, really get to know how each of you have felt during your experience, what has come up for you, what feelings, sensations and emotions took place.
This is a beautiful practice to have for you to deepen your intimacy.
Remember, you just have opened your heart, soul and body to each other- make sure that you leave your lover better than when you found them.
Happier, than when you found them!
It will save your lover a heartbreak, potential trauma and sickness.
I have been exploring sexuality for over 14 years now and working in the space of teaching Pleasure and Intimacy for nearly 5 years and lot of things are still coming up for me.
Life will not stop happening, situation will be coming up.
Yet, when you have skills and tools to deal with it- it stops having such a big impact on my life and my health.
I hope that this post has been useful to you and you will take away something from it.
All my love,
Eugina
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If you would love to talk more about the topic or find out how you can use aftercare in your sex life and life in general, you can contact me on:
Email: eugina@euginaoliberty.com | IG: euginaoliberty | FB: Eugina O Liberty | Web: www.theorgasmicqueen.com
