Civilized as defined by Webster’s dictionary is having an advanced or humane culture, society, etc. it is to be well-bred or refined. It also goes on to say that it is something easy to manage or control; well organized or ordered.
From Webster’s definition it seems exclusionary because who is to say who is well-bred or refined. And then are we really an advanced and humane culture? Are we really as civilized as we think we are? Somehow we believe we are a civilized people, but who is we? This gets back to who is deciding who are civilized. If another race from another planet, or solar system were to come here would they think any of us as civilized? So from whose perspective are we to judge ourselves?
Our perception of a civilized world is one where we are dressed well, speak well, have certain mannerisms. Perhaps you are now visualizing someone who is an aristocrat, successful or of a certain class. Perhaps it is someone who has gentlemanly ways and well spoken, or a good command of her language. Those people seem to be the ones who make the rules and perhaps are above the rules.
Could our view be that you are civilized if you just follow the rules and laws? But are there too many rules? Can it be true that we need rules and laws, and someone to manage us in order for us to be civil (ized)? Or have we made it impossible to live civilly with all the laws and rules that we have executed? Aren’t there just a few basic inherent ways of being that would preclude needing all the laws we have conjured up to live by to live civilly?
Questions and more questions because we actually are not civilized by anyone’s definition. First, being civilized, is learning to be civil with one another, which we are not. Second, if we lived our lives with the single focus of loving thy neighbor as thyself, stopped all the judgments, and allowed each of us the freedom to live life as we see fit, then we wouldn’t need the thousands of other laws we have made. But, that means all of us! Yes everyone one of us must act with the same considerations to have a civilized world by acting out of love, compassion, and goodness. Is this possible?
Another definition is to be in control or manage, as well as be well organized and ordered. Again we miss the mark. If we were in control and civil in our nature we would not be warring with anyone, ever, and we wouldn’t need all the laws we make. As we see all around us we are totally out of control and the only thing we manage is to get ourselves into “a pickle”, so to speak. So we don’t live by the single most important tenet of being kind to one another and we make laws, rules, and regulations as to how we are supposed to act, and still rarely act in that manner. You see if we did act with control, that is being civil with one another, we would not need any laws rules or regulations because that’s what civilized people do. Did I repeat myself here? Yes I did, because it needs repeating.
In an article written by Sara Hacala in AARP she says “civility is more than polite courtesies”. She also goes on to say that “civility enables us to live respectfully in communities; it is the glue that binds our society. It can be the difference between life and death”. As we can see we have lost the glue that binds us because we have lost control and total regard for another person’s life. If we are truly concerned for one another, not just ourselves, we would work out our differences verbally and not physically. We have more excuses to attack someone than we have reasons to try and make peace. It’s always about how he, she, or they did this or that to us. As if we have no alternative, but to react by physically attacking someone. We love being victims because it allows us to not take responsibility for our actions and gives us another excuse to attack someone.
Unfortunately, and in general, rudeness is pervasive in our society. Being from an older generation I was taught to respect my elders, good or bad it seemed to work. As we got older we learned that our peers needed to earn our respect by acting civilly. When did it happen that recent generations learned to stop respecting their elders? Why has it become so easy to be hostel and rude instead of polite? Why do we not take responsibility for our own behavior and continually blame it on someone else as the perfect excuse to be uncivilized?
One of the excuses is “Well I’m only human”, or “I did the best I could”. Did you? Yes, you are human and you are not perfect in what you do, and you typically really do the best you can, but that should not become the reason for acting badly. Why not think about and consider your reaction? Why not express yourself without attacking? And why does a simple question usually feel like an attack so we become defensive? Part of the problem is that we make so many assumptions without asking a clarifying question to identify, or to understand what was said or meant. Again it has become easier to pick up the sword and go “Off with their head”, just like the queen in Alice in Wonderland.
I know it’s hard to bend; it’s difficult to take the time to think, so we just let our ego take over. Would it not be better to live by a quote from Gandhi, which says, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”. While Gandhi says ‘You’, I say ‘I’, because only I can change what I do, and how I act, which will be the cause for civility in this world. And yes at times I am guilty of not always acting, as I could, but knowing that I can choose to stop being the cause for harm, that I can choose to be the catalyst for peace and change, allows me to think and take that precious moment to not re-act. And if I do react there is still an opportunity to immediately make amends.
We are all in a relationship with everyone at some time so why not want to choose to have loving, caring, thoughtful, kind, compassionate, considerate relationships. Will you take the time to choose love over ego? I hope so. Now go and make Love to someone.
Blessings and Love to All!
Web links : Arthur’s official website / Amazon Link to buy the book
