What is Love Anyway?

Just ask the Greeks, the Bible or psychologists. The Greeks will tell you that love comes in many forms. In fact, the Greeks and the Bible talk about Agape, Storge, Phileo and Eros love. Psychologists are a bit craftier, they added three more types of love with Pragma, Ludus, and Philautia.

The ancient Greeks called love “the madness of the gods.” Modern psychologists define it as a strong desire for emotional union with another person. But what is love since it has so many meanings? Well, just ask songwriters, playwrights, scientists, doctors, and philosophers, who have all described what they believe “Love” is.

To begin, there is Romantic love, the obsessive thinking about and desire for a particular person; the sex drive or lust (not really love) craving for sexual gratification. The attachment love, the feeling of having a deep union with a partner. Attachment love can also be dependent love where we love someone for what they do for us, or what we believe they are doing for us.

As you will see there are many forms or flavors of love. Depending on your age and your experiences with family, friends, and co-workers you will immediately understand what I’m talking about.

Love is an experience that has plagued, confused, rescued and determined the course of lives for good and evil for millennia. In the name of love, we have gone to war, climbed mountains, crossed the seas and continents, murdered, committed suicide, gone insane, cried, and been over the moon. All for this feeling we call “Love.”

As I was searching for the many meanings and definitions of love from philosophers, scientists, spiritual gurus and more I came across this blog post, which I think helps define what love is. It is titled “What is Love? A Philosophy of Life,” by Adrian Catron.

“The word “love” is used and abused for the expression of different sets of feelings. The word love is used as an expression of affection towards someone else (I love you), but it also expresses pleasure (I love chocolate). To further complicate things, the word “love” also expresses a human virtue that is based on compassion, affection, and kindness. This is a state of being that has nothing to do, with something or someone outside yourself. This is the purest form of Love.”

The ancient Greeks, the Bible, and psychologists had 7 words to define the different states of love:

Storge: natural affection, the love you share with your family.
Philia: the love that you have for friends.
Eros: sexual and erotic desire kind of love.
Agape: this is the unconditional love or divine love.
Ludus: this is playful love, like young love or flirting.
Pragma: long-standing love, like the love in a marriage.
Philautia: the love of the self. (not narcissism)

These words represent 7 kinds of feelings or ways of experiencing love. The love you feel for your partner is not the same as the love you feel for your parent or your child. Even the love for your partner changes in time. You feel different emotions in different situations, about different people.

But still, we use the same word; so, it is understandable that confusion is easily made while communicating the word love and what you feel. I can say, “I love you” to two different people (and mean it), but I am really feeling love differently about each of them.

Most of us use the word love often, don’t we? We love a particular food, we love a specific movie, we love a certain wine or drink, or I just love my new car or house. We say, “love you” to a friend, and we say, “love you” to a family member. And while using the word love can make someone feel good just be sure that how you say it and how you mean it or communicate it doesn’t confuse someone.

As you can see understanding the words is a beginning to learning the differences; however, the next step is to know how they FEEL, which is part of the secret to love and living is awareness.

In the Beatles song, “Can’t Buy Me Love,” there is this line “I’ll give you all I’ve got to give if you say you love me too.” In this case your giving is based on what you get. Is this the love you want?

“If you don’t know how to find love within you, you will never find it outside of you.”

Statements and words can be confusing so use them wisely and learn to recognize what you are feeling and how you convey those words and apply its energy and enjoy the different kinds of love.

“All You Need is Love” as the Beatles wrote and sang is truthfully all that we need, even though we have been taught that this is not all we need. How many times did you hear that what is most important is to get a good education or a get a good job with a good company or even to find a good mate? Important? Perhaps, but what is good exactly? Good is subjective, and it means acceptable, not great and not over the moon. The key to having and doing is loving what you do and who you are with. Don’t settle for good, always strive for excellence, and abundance, and know the importance of how love affects your life. True love doesn’t judge, doesn’t criticize, and doesn’t make you wrong.

The word Love is very potent and can be misinterpreted, however, if you show me love, give me love, demonstrate love to me, then I will really understand and feel the love and know that you care about me and want the best for me.

Yes, words are powerful. They can lift you up or tear you down. They can make you laugh or make you cry. They can help you see or make you blind. They can cut deeply or soothe and heal. Choose your words carefully by watching your thoughts before you speak, because after all the words are spoken, you have either demonstrated love through your actions or left someone wondering about your intentions.

Always choose your words carefully, and practice love to heal relationships and the world one person at a time.